The Roots of Fear

Zeron: Aged about seven or eight my mum tucked me into bed under a new bed sheet. It was green, with swirling patterns of vines and leaves. A kiss to my forehead and her usual "Goodnight, sweet dreams my darling." I fell asleep, only to be awoken in the night by a thunderstorm. At that age I was scared and would have preferred to run into my parents' room, but I was held fast by the tightness of the tucked-in bed sheet and so I couldn't move. Then, I guess, my childhood imagination took over, because I imagined that it wasn't the sheet I was under, but a swirling writhing blanket of snakes. Obviously the flashing lightning didn't help with the imagery, and booming thunder just added to my fear. Now, even if I could wriggle free to get to my mum's room, it was no longer a wise thing to do for the snakes would know I was there and would swarm over my head - the only part of my body that was free. I don't know how long I lay there awake in a state of frozen terror; I guess the storm finally subsided and I drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

In the morning, the whole ordeal had been forgotten. I didn't remember a single thing of that night; I was a child and children's minds are very flexible. It wasn't until that night, when I had to climb back into bed, that I began to feel uneasy. The blanket was still there, my mum tucked me in and kissed me goodnight as usual. I then remember waking up during the night and through half sleepy eye seeing the sea of snakes covering me, trapping me. I remember crying my heart out and hoping my mum would rush in and save me, but even in my trauma I made sure that the snakes didn't sense that I was there. Eventually, I fell asleep once again.

This time, in the morning, I remembered everything including the night before. I dived out of bed and fled my room. I ran and told my mother what had happened. She laughed and hugged me, and told me I was being silly. I believed her until I had to go back into my bedroom later that morning. As I entered the door, I was immediately struck by terror on seeing the blanket. I shook and couldn't enter the room. I eventually persuaded my mum to remove the offending sheet. Mum even had to lock it away in a cupboard for years. I couldn't even bear to see it on her bed.

And so, this event triggered my phobia of snakes. A fear that was started with imagery, which then led to the live creature. In my mind, worms and snakes swarmed over me; twisting and writhing they held my body fast, leaving only my head free. Any sight of a wriggling creature (whether in print, on the TV or in reality) and my first reaction is to flee before it can cover my head.

From the second I knew we were going to be making a show tackling fear and phobia, I was uneasy. I had toyed with the idea of seeking help before the shoot, but knew I could never fake the results. So I blanked the whole issue. Anyway, I figured it was about time I got to grips with my fear, and hopefully overcome it. It wasn't debilitating; it was just embarrassing as I would jump at the sight of a snake. I've even been chased round the garden by my daughter holding a large worm aloft.

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Content last updated: 25/08/2005