We don’t need to rely on research to tell us that a happy childhood, with warm loving relationships among children and parents, gives a good basis for a satisfying, productive adult life - the evidence is around us. Most parents hold this picture of the happy family as something that they aim to provide for their own children. But research does tell us that a good outcome is not inevitable, even with what may seem like a close-to-perfect childhood.

Life events such as accidents, losses, illnesses and conflicts can intrude on the most stable situations and create risks for children’s development. Furthermore, for many parents their own early experiences of family life do not provide the model of parenting that they want to use for their own children.

Luckily, the influences on child development, the factors that make us what we are, are many and varied, and their interactions are complex and multi-faceted. Single ‘root’ causes are rare, and the balancing effects of risk and protective factors means that parents can overcome difficult personal histories and circumstances if they are able to build a family life that supports their children’s personal development.

Olivia’s childhood, her concerns around doing the best for Taliesin and Emily, and the way that she has determinedly worked to give them what she feels she lacked give a vivid illustration of these issues.

Olivia describes herself as insecure and she attributes this to two main factors: a difficult relationship with her father and the loss of a very close childhood friend in a motorcycle accident. Research into adult attachment has confirmed that such experiences can indeed be associated with a person’s later insecurity in adulthood, but the same research also shows that this doesn’t necessarily transmit to the person’s children, which is Olivia’s worry.

Olivia’s experience when she saw her angry self in a mirror and used this to moderate the way she responds to Taliesin’s growing autonomy points up one important ingredient in supporting children’s emotional development; the capacity to think about one’s behaviour.

Her deep thinking about her childhood clearly contributes to her success as a parent. Psychologists are calling this ability ’reflective function’ and it plays a part in parents helping a young child to form secure attachments with them. Other key factors include open emotional communication, responding sensitively to a child and being a ‘safe haven’ when a child gets anxious or afraid.

To find out more about the ingredients for a happy childhood, read Michelle de Haan's exploration of children and happiness

Content last updated: 23/10/2006

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