It’s often said that the children growing up today, in a world of multiple, international non-stop television channels, the internet and computer games, are radically different from the generations that have gone before them. They’ve been described by some researchers as ‘digital natives’ – at home in a world of rich audio-visual technology and by others as ‘aliens’, as though coming from another planet with languages and references that the rest of us can’t understand.

Now while it’s certainly true that there are new technologies (seemingly ever increasing) that we perhaps didn’t grow up with, and that there are new ways of communicating, playing or telling stories that we probably couldn’t have imagined when we were five years old, there are despite this some things that stay the same. These children will still want to grow up loved, still want to have friends, still enjoy mucking around, still have passions and interests – they may sometimes seem like ‘aliens’ but we have a lot in common with them.

One of the difficulties with talking about the media and children is that essentially, we like to think we can protect our children from the outside world, and yet, here is the television or the internet, in our living rooms and our sitting rooms, bringing the outside world into our home. It’s a potentially uncomfortable relationship – we want to know that we can draw on the best the world has to offer, to access the information and the experiences available, but at the same time we want some measure of control over how our children learn to live in that world. What’s different about television, the internet and computer games is that we may sometimes leave our children to navigate this world completely on their own. There are many parents who see the television as a babysitter, or the computer as the ‘children’s machine’ and are slightly concerned about beginning to get involved with it.

This can’t make a lot of sense; we expect to talk to our children about what they have seen and done if they spend time in the park or the street, and we wouldn’t expect them to cross the road on their own for the first time,. Instead of seeing screen media as a whole separate space then, we too need to learn to navigate it, to know what its pitfalls and its pleasures are, and to participate with our children in the experience. While age guidelines on films, computer games and television can provide some guidance, (in particular, the advice that a game is rated 18+ should probably be taken pretty seriously) these general rules can’t replace a parent’s own understanding that a particular game, or TV programme, is likely to be too much for their own child. This means spending a fair amount of time in this ‘other world’, and becoming familiar with its contours.

While this is pretty easy to achieve in terms of TV (we can all watch it and talk about it with children), this is harder with some of the new media. The computer can seem like a daunting machine particularly for those who have no reason to use it. One way around this, and it’s one that gives a huge amount of pleasure to many children, is to allow your child to teach you, to show you what they’ve found out, to talk with you about their experiences. Learning to use these new technologies with your children will also help you to decide whether you want to use some of the so-called ‘nannying software’ that is available to protect them from some of the less delightful aspects of the internet. Learning and using these technologies alongside them, and talking to your children, can also act as an opportunity to talk about online safety. In the same way that you get children to learn to look both ways before crossing the road and not to take sweets from strangers, you can, as you’re using the computer together, talk about how important it is not to give out personal details on the web or to meet someone in the real world that you’ve met online without bringing an adult along as well. Simply demonstrating an interest in their activities on the computer can be enough to encourage them to talk to you about any concerns that they have. In the same way that you can’t fully control the world outside your door, you can’t fully control the internet, but you can encourage children to develop the skills to navigate that environment as safely as possible.