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This all makes sense if we turn to ‘attachment theory’ to find out what that says about the influence of parents on children’s development. Started off by John Bowlby in the 1940s, this theory has led to a great deal of useful research by psychologists which has made it clearer what the ingredients are for building a close, supportive relationship between child and parent. One useful idea that has been developed is that children develop, very early on, ‘Internal Working Models’ of what they expect from others and also how they will be seen by others. These ‘IWMs’ then affect how children approach new relationships in the future. Research has shown that there are aspects of the quality of people’s early relationships with their parents that go on to influence how they will relate to others, for example in romantic relationships, suggesting that these internal models do exist and have effects in later life. And it has been found that one of the things that helps children to build positive IWMs is parenting that is sensitive to children’s needs and wishes, as well as to their emotions and thoughts. It has been suggested that talking about your child’s thoughts and feelings are an important part of that, as well as responding to them. This contributes to a child developing a secure attachment, which seems to give children a head start in life in many ways. Consistency is important too, so that the child is more easily able to predict how their parent will respond if they ask for comfort or some other form of attention. Perhaps that’s why the children answering the CooT survey tended to put ‘trust’ quite high on the agenda. Attachment theory suggests that an ‘Internal Working Model’ based on trust will help children to go out into the wider world with a greater capacity to trust and be trusted. Finally, we mustn’t forget that children definitely want and need to be positively valued by their parents, not necessarily with gifts or treats, although those can play a role. ‘It’s the thought that counts’ with children; praising them and showing you care can be worth more than the glossiest gift. That helps them to build an IWM of themselves as worthy of love and affection, which lies at the heart of good self-esteem. You can read more about this in the sample extract from a chapter that I have recently completed with Charlie Lewis, of Lancaster University and Michael E. Lamb, of the University of Cambridge, on attachment theory. This will be part of a new textbook for the Open University course ED209 Child Development.
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